


your movements, your energy that i only know (they invite me over again)

by zhujungjungting (runswithchopsticks)



Series: they become my medals [2]
Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: A lil bit angsty, Gen, M/M, and some more sappy, canon (to an extent), some fluffy, sorry sorry team 2 friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 13:31:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11232012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runswithchopsticks/pseuds/zhujungjungting
Summary: Maybe this is a happy thing for Jonghyun. He's obtained friends and gained different experiences that's allowed him to think of himself in directions he's never thought of before, but most importantly, he's found Hwang Minhyun in more ways than one.a continuation of sorts ofon the empty paper, just two of us (we are drawing together), but can be read as a stand-alone





	your movements, your energy that i only know (they invite me over again)

**Author's Note:**

> music: f(x) - rude love
> 
> this is written partially as a continuation of another fic (that was originally my intended base), but this one can be read as a stand-alone bc there really isn't a lot of prior info you'll need.
> 
> thank you for clicking on this! please enjoy your read <33

**_start._ **

* * *

Jonghyun is woken by the pinging of the alarm on someone’s phone in the room.

He rolls over, face still buried in his blanket, exposing his back to the colder air of the room. The frame of the bunk creaks as the person below him moves.

He feels someone nudging his ankle.

“Wake up, shleepy,” Minhyun slurs. He's not even halfway up the ladder on their shared bunk, but the short height boosts him enough that he can reach over to poke Jonghyun.

“Daniel, turn off your alaaarm,” Minhyun says, and he receives a groan in response, but within a few seconds the pinging stops.

Jonghyun blinks his eyes to adjust his vision as he opens them. He lifts himself up and yawns, stretching his arms above his head.

Below him, Minhyun has walked over to the middle of the room, where Hyunbin has his honorary spot on the floor. With his foot he nudges Hyunbin in the side.

The boy sits up suddenly, his limbs flying as he moves. One of his shins bangs against the leg of a bed frame, but he doesn't seem to notice.

“What…?” he murmurs, rubbing his eyes.

“Wake up. We have to be down at the building in an hour. Normally this should be the leader’s job--” Minhyun glances pointedly at Jonghyun, and Jonghyun mouths an apology, “But it looks like he's not intent on moving.”

“Eh, okay,” Hyunbin murmurs, and he sits there, blinking as he stares at his hands.

Jonghyun crawls over to the edge of his bed, and he looks down at his suitcase thrown open on the floor below him. It's mostly empty, its contents having primarily migrated to the pile on the floor next to it. A pile that's next to Minhyun’s bag, which was open and mostly empty as well.

“Yah, Minhyun,” he says, sleepily, “Can you throw me my shirt?”

Minhyun crouches down and stares at the pile before digging his hands in and sorting through the items one by one. He pulls out two white shirts, both with the blue Produce 101 triangle on them, and holds them up.

“Which one is yours?” he asks, looking up at Jonghyun, and Jonghyun shrugs.

“Just throw me one,” he replies. He catches the shirt Minhyun tosses up in the air and slips it on. The sleeves come a few inches past his fingertips.

“Too big,” he says, “This one is yours.” He pulls it off, dropping it back down to Minhyun before his friend throws him the other shirt in his hands.

“You guys should really re-organize,” Jaehwan pipes up from across the room. Jonghyun looks over, and if they were not hung up in one of the closet cubicles, all of Jaehwan’s things were folded neatly in his suitcase on the floor beneath his bunk, in a corner away from a large pile of clothing Jonghyun can only assume belonged to Daniel or Seongwoo or both.

“Probably a better idea,” Minhyun replies, “But we've gotten really used to having our stuff mixed together a lot. If it weren’t for the size difference, I doubt I'd notice if I were wearing Jonghyun’s clothes.”

Jaehwan chuckles as he rises from his bed. “Oh, right,” he says. “I guess living together does that to you.” He begins to walk towards the bathroom, stepping carefully over Hyunbin’s legs. The latter had long fallen back into a light doze.

“Hyunbin, move your legs,” Jaehwan says, but Hyunbin doesn't seem to have heard him.

“Why’d we have him sleep on the floor?” Jaehwan asks, glancing at his teammate, “His limbs are too long, he basically takes up the whole space.”

“Because he's the youngest,” Seongwoo replies.

“And he's also too long in general to fit on one of these beds,” Daniel pipes up. Seongwoo and Minhyun begin to laugh, and Jonghyun smiles as he hears his teammates converse with 

each other. It helps to prepare him mentally for the challenges present later in that day.

* * *

The biting cold of the morning air has numbed the feeling in Jonghyun’s face. When he pulls open the door to the building, a rush of warm air hits him and sends a strange tingle through his cheeks.

“Finally, we’re here,” Hyunbin says, as he hurriedly enters behind Jonghyun. He doesn't deal too well with cold, Jonghyun noticed.

The group walks their way up a couple flights of stairs to get to where the dance studios are located. For the first day of practice, they are allowed to have a room dedicated to their team. Jonghyun finds the room number they are assigned, holding the door open for the rest of his group.

All of them with the exception of Jaehwan and Hyunbin know the basics of the choreography to _Sorry Sorry_ , and only need to clean up, alter, and accommodate their movements and synchronization in preparation for the stage. Jonghyun takes it upon himself to help teach Jaehwan and Hyunbin the choreography.

He begins with Jaehwan. Jaehwan doesn't pick up the movements easily, especially the shuffling at the chorus and the arm tutting during the dance break. It's even more difficult when Jonghyun tentatively asks him to try singing while dancing. Jaehwan's movements are slow, his coordination messy, but Jonghyun can tell that he's trying his best to think his way through judging by the concentration etched into his expression.

Jonghyun’s aware that perfection doesn't happen in a day. They have the majority of the rest of the week to adjust the routine. Jaehwan is getting there, slowly and surely, so he switches his attention to Hyunbin.

Minhyun had been attempting to coach Hyunbin through the beginning of the song with little success.

“How far is Hyunbin?” Jonghyun asks, and Minhyun gives him an awkward look.

“Well,” he begins, “I tried and failed. But I'm not that good at dancing, so maybe you'll have a better time?”

Jonghyun rubs the back of his neck. “All right,” he says, sighing.

Minhyun smiles at him. “You can do it, Jonghyun.”

“Thank you,” Jonghyun replies, and Minhyun pats him on the back.

Hyunbin is sitting in a chair in the corner, staring at the floor in front of his outstretched legs.

Jonghyun approaches him, and Hyunbin looks up curiously.

“Hi, hyung,” he greets.

“Hi, Hyunbin,” Jonghyun replies. “Minhyun and the others have been teaching you the choreo, yes?”

Hyunbin nods.

“How much of it do you know?” Jonghyun asks.

Hyunbin opens his mouth hesitantly. “Uhhh...not a lot,” he replies, and Jonghyun nods.

“Could you run through it with me?” he asks. Hyunbin complies and joins Jonghyun in front of the room’s mirrors. Jonghyun picks up the iPad resting against the wall, resets the timer on the video, and sets it down before pressing play.

To his dismay, Hyunbin hardly knows the steps. He doesn't know where to place his feet, how to angle his body, where to move during transition. The only thing he retains is a vague knowledge of what the dance actually is like.

Jonghyun decided to start at the chorus, as it's easily the most teachable section of the dance and what Hyunbin had struggled with the most.

“The foot shuffle at the chorus, Hyunbin--” he begins. “Just focus on your feet for now,” he says, when he notices Hyunbin raising his arms. “Move your feet in and out like this. You do it twice. In, and then out--” he demonstrates the movement, “and repeat. When you're doing it, just balance barely on the ball of your foot.”

Hyunbin slowly repeats Jonghyun’s actions. He's rising too far on his toes, Jonghyun notices.

“Only go high enough that your heels are hovering above the ground. Start with your feet in a V position. Every time you slide your feet inwards you lean a little bit to the other side. 

Hyunbin attempts the movement several times while watching Jonghyun’s feet move simultaneously, but he can't seem to grasp it at a faster than a purely demonstrational speed.

Jonghyun works with him specifically on the chorus for another good chunk of time. The remaining hour is spent on getting him to be able to mark the rest of the song, which was barely successful.

But Hyunbin's overall improvement is lackluster at best, and Jonghyun can't help but think, at the back of his mind, that his teaching is insufficient.

He takes a quick water break after teaching Hyunbin, and then joins the rest of his group in doing the whole choreography from the top until it's time that they'd better move on to focusing on vocals.

Jonghyun leaves the studio that day feeling dissatisfied.

* * *

Walking back to the dorms, Minhyun stays beside him.

“You don't look too happy, Jonghyun,” he says, quietly.

Jonghyun sighs.

“Don't worry about things so much,” Minhyun says, as if he were able to read Jonghyun’s mind. “We still have several days left. I'm sure all of us will get everything down before then.”

“I'd hope so,” Jonghyun replies. “Hyunbin just hasn't learned as much as I wanted… I don't know if my instructing is really helping him or not.”

“No, you're a great teacher,” Minhyun says, firmly. “Look how much Jaehwan improved today. Hyunbin just needs some extra help, that's all. You can come to us too, you know. It's a group's effort, and we’re going to collect votes as a team.”

Jonghyun blinks up at his friend, and Minhyun’s eyes soften when their gazes meet.

“Yeah, you're right,” Jonghyun murmurs. He shakes his head in attempt to try to shake away his thoughts.

Minhyun's eyes crinkle as he smiles, his mouth hidden behind his face mask. One of his hands leaves his coat pocket and finds its way to Jonghyun. He links their hands together, giving Jonghyun’s palm a reassuring squeeze.

“Don't worry, Jonghyun. Like I once told you, when the leader worries, everyone else worries too.”

Jonghyun nods silently. He adjusts his hand latched onto Minhyun’s hand, and laces their fingers together tightly.

Minhyun squeezes his hand again. “And besides, all that worrying is aging your face,” he says, so quietly that Jonghyun can barely catch his words.

“What?” Jonghyun asks, looking up at Minhyun suddenly.

Minhyun returns his stare, and blinks once. “Well, it's true,” he says.

Jonghyun’s breaths come out in puffs as he laughs. Minhyun joins him in his laughter. His fingers shake as he moves, but their hands still remain firmly intertwined between them.

* * *

It's times like these when Jonghyun retracts back into himself in his typical introspective manner. He's always been someone who tries to lose himself in his mind, who doesn't seek the comfort of society as a whole but instead relies on a select few, but mainly himself.

It is a blessing to him, as in this way, he is able to recognize the nuances of his own character at a much more thorough level than most people, shaped through his experiences and his thoughts.

He lays on his bed sometimes, in the middle of the day, earbuds plugged in, playlist turned on, helping him zone out as he stares at the ceiling.

It's one of these moments, when his eyes are half-lidded and his breaths come out in rhythmic waves, does he think about the time he's spent so far on Produce 101.

He remembers the climbing dread when he knew that in a short time he'd be on a television show that would compare him to people with less experience than he, as if reducing all of he and his friends’ struggles to something worthless.

He remembers the day of the audition stage, when Dongho struggled the most -- the day that he first began to feel himself losing his footing, falling backwards into an endless pit of nothing. The day he felt like they really were deemed useless, with the meager ranks they had earned.

He remembers how the D rank classes went, how Dongho was basically paralyzed, how Kahi had looked at him and spoken to him with an underlying sorrow and disappointment, almost anger in her actions.

He remembers how they were re-evaluated, how his heart shook when Minki got up to leave their room. How his heart paused when Minhyun opened the door, running his hand through his hair awkwardly, the only thing he was able to convey was regret.

And when Minhyun appears in his mind, he thinks about how much of a rollercoaster ride Minhyun is to him.

Minhyun is the same serious, truthful, quietly intelligent Minhyun he's always been. But Jonghyun’s thoughts wander to the way Minhyun looked at him, spoke to him, held him the first night he'd moved into the new dorm arrangements for their _Sorry Sorry_ team. The way the dim lights of the room outlined his features, emphasizing them in an almost strange glow. The way Minhyun had dug his fingers into the cloth of Jonghyun’s sweatshirt, gripping him like Jonghyun could dissipate into thin air at any moment. The way his voice trembled as he spoke his guilt, spilled into the palms of his hands, their sharp edges digging cuts into his skin, as he presented them to Jonghyun.

Jonghyun remembers Minhyun’s hands on his face, shaking just as violently as his heart did at that moment. And he especially remembers the feeling of Minhyun’s breaths against his skin, right before they were replaced with Minhyun’s lips against his. Jonghyun remembers clearly how desperately he held onto him, how in that one almost violent rush of their lips meeting had he completely forgotten about his self-loathing and all that was his priority was Minhyun.

That moment had opened up a new vulnerability in Jonghyun. It wasn’t an outward vulnerability, one able to seen and discovered by other people, but rather one that only Jonghyun could recognize in himself.

It was a new sensation that had been awoken in him, one with the ferocity of a beast but the fragility of glass.

He was, and still is not sure if he can call it _love_ , because love is such a foreign thing to him. He is not sure if he's ever experienced a type of love other than the one between a son and his family. But when Minhyun appears at his side, holds his hand, smiles at him, the warmth in his chest wants to tell him, _yes, this is a taste of what love is like._

However, ever since that day, neither of them ever mentioned anything to each other. It's like everything reverted back to how they'd been before. Jonghyun can’t wish for anything else as he's not sure how he'd be able to deal with the situation. But because he's himself, he always had that question stuck in the back of his mind -- _is it just me, am I going crazy? Did anything really happen?_

Just then, he hears a creak from the bed below him. The room is then silent again, as everyone but he and Minhyun has gone out, and his friend had been napping for the past hour.

Maybe it's because he's in a half-drowsy state where he can't think clearly, maybe it's the curiosity having taken control of him, maybe it's some other magnetic lure that's suddenly pulling him out of his bed and down the bunk ladder.

The ladder creaks as he does so, the sound almost reverberating in the otherwise dead silence of the room, but he doesn't pay it any particular notice.

Jonghyun quietly shuffles over to right beside Minhyun’s bed. He sits down, staring at the back of his friend, entirely unsure of what to do next -- or what he's even doing in the first place.

He doesn't have to make any decisions though, because Minhyun rolls over and sleepily opens one eye to look at him.

“Ah, I thought I sensed someone,” he murmurs. “What do you want, Jonghyun?”

Jonghyun opens his mouth, but he's unsure of what to say. Or rather, he knows what he wants to say, but he can't really imagine it coming out of his mouth, for the statement feels foreign on his tongue and in his mind.

“Uh…” he begins, And Minhyun raises an eyebrow.

“Come on, it must be important if you've woken me up,” Minhyun says.

Jonghyun blinks a few times. His stomach feels like it's flipping over and over again and he takes a deep breath to try to calm it.

“Minhyun…” he says, his voice quiet.

“Yes?”

“Do you… like me?”

Minhyun opens his second eye. “What kind of a question is that?” he says, and he laughs. “If I didn't like you, Jonghyun, I'd have quit Nu’est and everything else years ago.”

Jonghyun inwardly winces at himself.

He bites his lip, stands up, and turns around. His brain is beginning to catch up with him, and it's highly uncomfortable at the moment, itching to leave and bury itself once again in his thoughts.

“Never mind,” he murmurs.

He's about to climb back up into his bed, but Minhyun’s next words stop him.

“You don't mean something else, do you?” Minhyun whispers, just barely loud enough for Jonghyun to hear.

He slowly turns around. Minhyun stares up at him, his face expressionless.

His voice is stuck in his throat, caught there by the dizzying thrumming of his heart and the sudden loss of command from his brain. He can only open and close his mouth stupidly like a fish while his mind begs him to get a grip.

Minhyun slowly sits up. “Six years it's been,” he murmurs. “Six years is plenty of time. Plenty of time for things to grow, to die, to change, to evolve.”

He sighs, rubbing his palm against his forehead, brushing his hair back. “You know what Minki once told me? A few days before we’d left?” he asks, looking up at Jonghyun.

“...W-What?” Jonghyun croaks.

“People are shaped by the challenges in their life. Difficult times affect your character, your thoughts, your emotions. I remember Minki told me, that as he watched Old Hyung and Dongho from afar, he could slowly see them twisting. Like this whole experience had turned open the wheel to an entire vault full of their most unknown vulnerabilities and their most unspoken worries.”

“Why are you telling me this...?” Jonghyun asks slowly.

Minhyun’s gaze wavers, flickering back and forth between his feet and Jonghyun’s face.

His voice is just barely above a whisper when he speaks, his hair covering his eyes from Jonghyun’s view as his head is tilted downward.

“Because in more ways than one, I’ve been twisted too,” he says. “There are things that I think about, feel, and say that make me feel like I’ve fallen head over heels and that I don’t know what in the world I’m doing. But when I sit down for a moment, and think about myself, about our history, about how we ended up here of all places, even though it’s an enormous amount of factors to consider, they all end up connecting together somehow, and I ask myself, ‘Hmm, is that why?’”

When he looks up at Jonghyun, as their gazes meet, there’s that eerily familiar ache in Jonghyun’s chest that he knows he’s experienced before. It physically hurts him, like he’s being punched over and over again in the heart.

“Is it just me? Is it just these past six years going up to my head and clouding my judgment? Is just because these last few weeks I’ve been so _desperate_ for anything to go my way, but so weak in trying to make it happen?”

He reaches out, gripping Jonghyun’s palm with both of his hands, looking up at him as if he had the answer to all of his problems.

“Tell me, Jonghyun, why is it that I’ve been altered so much that whenever I look at you, all sorts of reasons fly right out the window and I don’t know if I feel like I’m in pain or I’m happy? How have you become my next vulnerability, my new sensitivity, the one thing that stabs me the hardest whenever something happens to you? 

Minhyun looks at him as if he’s contemplating crying, but Jonghyun knows Minhyun doesn’t cry. He wraps his fingers around Minhyun’s hands and grips them just as tightly, moving himself to sit down besides his friend.

“Shhh, Minhyun,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around the other. Minhyun’s arms shake as he almost sinks into Jonghyun’s embrace, burying the side of his face into Jonghyun’s shoulder. Jonghyun’s hand comes up to rub gentle circles across his back.

“If you are in pain, then so am I. Because you are not the only one,” Jonghyun murmurs. “Everything has changed me as well, to the point that I don’t know what I’m thinking, that the only coherent thought I sometimes have is that I must be going crazy, because nothing has gone my way either.”

He bows his head, closing his eyes for a moment, because when he runs the words he’s about to say over in his mind, they all don’t sound like himself. But at the same time they are himself, because they’re truly what he’s thinking and feeling. Even at the moments where he feels like he can’t accomplish anything, can’t do anything, can’t even lift up his head nor his feet, there’s still something else that keeps him going, helps him wake up every morning without making him feel like it’s just another day of throwing himself into yet another mess of judgment and humiliation.

“But something good has gone our way, Minhyun,” he whispers, “And it’s shaken me so much, because I don’t know what it is, where it came from, or why it’s here.”

“What do you mean?” Minhyun replies.

“It has become different with you, Minhyun,” Jonghyun says, “It’s you. You’ve helped keep my head up in this game we’ve been playing. You told me before that you and all of the guys work to survive as a team because of me, because I'm the one that ties the string that keeps us all together as the one family we’ve always been. I love our family, but you… there’s just something strange to me about you.”

Minhyun huffs shakily, like he wants to laugh but he just can’t do so at the moment. His breath is warm against Jonghyun’s neck. “You’re not going to tell me I’ve caused you trouble, are you?” he asks.

“Never,” Jonghyun whispers. His voice quivers as he speaks his next word, a lump forming in the back of his throat, his gratitude and his conscious all threatening to tumble out of his lips in incoherent syllables, and he barely manages to hold them all together.

“I… I don't know if it's just me that's changed, or that I'm only this way because it's a side effect of having so much pressure on my shoulders. I love all of our group, but the love I have for you, Minhyun, you of all people… it's strange to me. I don't know if it's just because I'm so grateful to have you with me, right at my side. You're the one that's helped me recover so much in the present and in the past. I don't know what I would be doing or thinking right now if it were not for you. It's like I'm eternally stuck at your side -- you can hold my hand, smile at me, and suddenly I'll just feel like everything is okay in the world. But I know that's not true, because things will never be like that for us, yet somehow you can make me believe it, even if only for a second.”

Minhyun lifts his head up. He blinks, rubbing his hands at the corners of his eyes, before taking a deep breath as his lips lift up into a trembling smile.

“Jonghyun,” he murmurs, “You're going to actually make me cry.”

Jonghyun almost laughs at Minhyun’s reaction, because he can feel the beginnings of tears gathering at the corner of his eyes, despite his will to push them back. It's not like he's exactly sad, but the way Minhyun looks at him with a sort of remorse, but the happy kind of remorse, strikes a chord in his heart, and it vibrates throughout his chest with the intensity of a hammer striking a bell.

He can already hear what Minhyun is about to ask him even before it's out of his mouth.

“Jonghyun, you've never fallen in love with someone, have you?” Minhyun whispers.

“No,” Jonghyun replies.

Minhyun looks expressionless, but as his eyes flit back and forth across Jonghyun’s face Jonghyun can see a reel of emotions fly across his gaze, and suddenly he is completely lost, entranced, having been sucked in and tangled in the intensity of which Minhyun looks at him--

Minhyun brings his hand up, brushing his thumb over Jonghyun’s temple, running his fingers through his black locks, and finally resting his palm at the nape of Jonghyun’s neck.

He pulls them together, their foreheads resting against each other, the tips of their noses touching.

It's just like back then, Jonghyun thinks, with the warm slide of Minhyun’s breath against his lips, the hand holding him close trembling against his skin.

Minhyun’s eyes face downwards, like he's not sure if he can meet Jonghyun’s stare. He whispers his words, his syllables so thin and airy, only meant for Jonghyun’s ears.

“Me neither,” he says, “Except for one time.”

“Really?” Jonghyun replies.

“Yes,” Minhyun breathes, “You've caught me off guard so many times, Jonghyun, that I've come to realize, that the first and only time I've ever begun to fall in love with someone, was the day we met, seven years ago.”

Jonghyun can feel the blood rush from his head, the flutter in his heartbeat, the warmth from Minhyun’s hand on his neck radiating over the rest of his skin. Minhyun only needs to lean just a hair’s breadth more -- and he does just that, their lips connecting in a soft _whoosh_ that sweeps Jonghyun completely off of his feet.

Instinctively, his eyes fall closed. A sense of nostalgia blankets over him for a moment, because he's greatly reminded of the first time Minhyun kissed him. But it's different this time around. Minhyun’s lips still tremble against his own, Jonghyun still buries his fingers into Minhyun’s shirt like he's holding on for dear life, his heart still shakes, desperately pumping blood into his body like it could just stop at any moment. But when Minhyun pulls back after a few long seconds, their foreheads remain against each other, and his hands coming up to rest on either side of Jonghyun’s jaw, thumbs running gentle circles over his skin. And he looks at Jonghyun, not with the pain of guilt or remorse, not with the dullness of sorrow and hopelessness, not with the ache of worry and despair.

He looks at Jonghyun with the softness of gratitude and understanding, with the brightness of trust and companionship, but most importantly, with the vim and vigor of what Jonghyun now knows is _love_.

“I guess I love you too, then,” Jonghyun whispers, and Minhyun smiles at him.

“I'm glad,” he says, and he falls backwards, back onto his bed. “I think I'm going to continue sleeping,” he says, and a giant yawn comes out of his mouth.

“Okay,” Jonghyun replies. “Can I… stay here?” he tentatively asks.

Minhyun blinks. “Of course,” he replies, without hesitation, rolling over to make room for Jonghyun.

It's a little squished, trying to fit both of them on the bed, but it gives Jonghyun all the more reason to curl up closely at Minhyun’s side. The palm of his hand comes to rest on Minhyun’s chest, right on top of his heart. He can feel Minhyun’s heartbeat through the thin fabric of his shirt. It's a steady and rhythmic drumming, slowing down slightly when its owner’s breaths fall shallow into the trance of sleep.

Jonghyun can feel his eyelids growing heavy. He allows himself to be lulled into his dreams by the measured heartbeat and the pulsating warmth of the person whom he now _knows_ he loves, right beside him. Always beside him.

* * *

By the third day of practice, Jonghyun is frustrated.

Frustrated with himself, and frustrated with Hyunbin.

Sometimes the guy will slide out of practice with the rest of the group, completely unnoticed, until one of them realizes he’s snoozing in a chair or on the couch right outside the doors.

Sometimes he just sits on the floor for a good half an hour and munches aimlessly on some sort of snack while tapping on his phone with his free hand.

Sometimes he just stands there off to the side and watches the rest of his group practice.

Jonghyun would stare at the boy’s reflection in the mirror, trying to channel the words he wants to say into his gaze. But alas, Hyunbin never notices, or chooses not to notice.

Jonghyun uses his best encouraging words, explains things slowly and in ways he thought were crystal clear, tries to push Hyunbin in the right direction without coming off as irate and mean as he would not feel comfortable treading into that territory. But Hyunbin never picks it up.

“Hey,” Daniel says, from his spot on the studio floor, “Where did Hyunbin go?”

Jonghyun looks around the room, and sure enough, he's nowhere in sight.

“I swear he was here just a minute ago,” Daniel adds.

“That's odd,” Minhyun notes, “He would've said something if he went somewhere else, right?”

“Maybe he’s in one of the song rooms?” Daniel asks.

“I'll go and check,” Jonghyun offers. His groupmates nod, and he lets himself out of the room.

His team's assigned song room is dark, and Jonghyun is unable to see anything inside when he peers through the small window. He open the door anyway.

And lo and behold, there is Hyunbin, snoozing away peacefully in a corner, his earbuds stuck in his ears, blasting music loud enough that Jonghyun can hear it.

Jonghyun sighs, shuffling over to his teammate.

“Hey,” he says, gently, nudging Hyunbin's shoulder.

“Hyunbin,” he begins, nudging him harder, “It's time to wake up now.”

Hyunbin shakes for a moment before he suddenly opens his eyes, blinking rapidly. He pulls out an earbud, and looks at Jonghyun as if he were just electrocuted.

“...What?” he murmurs.

“It's time to wake up now,” Jonghyun repeats. “We need you back at practice.”

“Oh,” Hyunbin says, and he slowly gets up, stretching out his back. “Right,” he says.

Jonghyun nods, and does his best to smile reassuringly. “Come on, let's go.”

Hyunbin nods lazily. He yawns, and trails behind Jonghyun.

When they both return, Minhyun greets them. “Welcome back,” he says, to Jonghyun, “Looks like you've found our stray maknae.”

Hyunbin had parted from Jonghyun’s side when they entered the dance room, leaving Jonghyun next to Minhyun.

“Where was he?” Minhyun asks.

“In the song room,” Jonghyun replies. He purses his lips and sighs. “Sleeping… again.”

He clenches and unclenches one of his hands. At this point, the ball of frustration in his stomach has grown, now fighting to rise up in his throat. He's quite sure Hyunbin can learn, he can improve, but why are his feet not taking the proper steps to their goal? What is Jonghyun doing wrong in trying to help Hyunbin improve? What other solution can he resort to in order to finally fuel Hyunbin’s motivation?

Minhyun looks at him, clearly worried. “Ah,” he begins, “don't think too hard about it, Jonghyun.”

“How can I not?” Jonghyun asks. “He's my responsibility, and it's been three days already. What am I doing wrong?” He brings his hands up to his face, rubbing his eyes in exasperation. “I don't know if I should've even taken the role of leader,” he murmurs, “if I can't even improve Hyunbin's dancing in three full days of practice.”

“Jonghyun, don't say that,” Minhyun chides. “It's not entirely your fault. Hyunbin just isn't used to the routine of an idol yet, and the urgency of everything probably hasn't settled in yet. I'll go and speak to him about it later. Don't worry about him for now, alright?”

Jonghyun sighs into his palms.

Two hands come up to wrap around his wrists, lifting them off of his face.

“Relax. It's almost time we leave, anyway, “ Minhyun says, softly. “Alright?”

Jonghyun nods slowly. “Okay,” he agrees.

Minhyun gives him a small smile.

* * *

Later that night, even after curfew has passed, the lights have been turned off, and he can hear Daniel snoring across the room, Jonghyun is still awake. He’s laying on his stomach, elbows propping him up as he reads a book. A reading light clipped onto the book’s cover illuminates the pages for him.

He's completely lost in the text until he hears the creaking of the bunk’s frame and feels a dip on his mattress.

“Still reading, huh?” Minhyun whispers. “You don't mind if I sit up here?”

Jonghyun turns around. “No,” he replies. He bookmarks his place in his book, closing it before turning off his reading light and sitting up to make space for his friend.

Minhyun crawls over and seats himself next to Jonghyun, their backs against the wall. Jonghyun looks over, blinking to adjust his eyes to the lack of light. He's barely able to see Minhyun’s outline.

“I did speak to Hyunbin today,” Minhyun says, his voice low, as to not wake the others. “He told me that dancing is just hard for him… he's not used to it.”

“Ah,” Jonghyun murmurs.

“And as a model he was just used to napping a lot,” Minhyun adds. “You wait hours in a photoshoot for a spread, you nap. Or eat. Or in his case, both, I guess.”

“That makes sense,” Jonghyun replies, and he can see Minhyun nod next to him.

“So it's not all your fault, Jonghyun. He is your responsibility, but there's two ends to the rope of success. You can only boost him up so far, and then he'll have to pick himself up and climb the rest of the way to meet you in the middle. I don't know when that'll happen, but if you kick him hard enough he should pick up his feet,” Minhyun says.

Jonghyun takes a breath. “Thank you, Minhyun,” he whispers. “I hope he'll turn out in the end… we have a meeting with the instructors tomorrow, and I have no clue how things will look by then.”

“It'll be fine,” Minhyun reassures. He lifts his left arm up, draping it over Jonghyun’s shoulders.

“Hyunbin will pull through, I know that. I didn't choose him for our team just because he just happened to be there. All of us are capable, we will succeed. We'll make you proud, Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun’s lips curl up into a small smile as a miniature bud of warmth blooms in his chest at Minhyun’s words.

Subconsciously, he leans over, his head coming to rest on Minhyun’s shoulder. He buries himself as closely as he can to Minhyun’s side, trying to envelope himself in the warmth radiating from his friend's skin.

“Thank you, Minhyun,” he whispers, his voice tinged with the sincerity of his emotions.

Yes, Jonghyun is grateful. Minhyun is the only one who knows how to pull Jonghyun out when he's drowning himself. He's the only one with the voice and words able to resonate something deep within Jonghyun’s heart, the only one who can simultaneously tell Jonghyun what he needs to hear and wants to hear. The only one Jonghyun feels he can bore his mind out to, because he's not that type of person to spill all his thoughts onto the table but the way Minhyun is able to simply look at him, read him, and trust him, even if Jonghyun is struggling; it makes it inevitable that he'd play that role in Jonghyun’s life.

Yes, Jonghyun is truly grateful. For Minhyun always being there, and for the bond that binds them together.

He can hear Minhyun sigh beside him. Jonghyun turns his face slightly, pressing his cheek into the thin cotton of Minhyun’s pajama shirt.

He blinks slowly, his mind exhausted from the day’s events. He's not able to separate his thoughts coherently, and they become a muddled mess in his head. Instead, the only things he's able to clearly pick up is the familiar scent of Minhyun next to him, the warmth of his skin against his body, and the sounds of the quiet breaths he takes.

It all becomes something like a comforting white noise to Jonghyun, wrapping itself around him like a blanket and coaxing him into a drowsy lull.

He's not sure how much time has passed, but his eyes have fallen half-lidded, staring at his hands, blinking in slow and long strokes. It's almost like a drunken stupor he's in, halfway there to unconsciousness and barely retaining his senses of the world around him.

He breaks out of his daze when Minhyun shifts beside him.

“It's probably time for both of us to sleep,” he says, and Jonghyun replies with a soft “yeah”.

The hand of the arm that was around Jonghyun’s shoulders comes up and gently presses the side of his temple, tilting his head and bringing him closer to Minhyun.

Minhyun turns his head and brushes Jonghyun’s bangs back before softly pressing his lips to his forehead.

“Good night, Jonghyun,” he whispers. Jonghyun can feel the movement of his lips against his skin.

“Good night,” Jonghyun replies.

“Sleep well. I'll see you in the morning,” Minhyun adds, before crawling back to the bunk’s ladder and climbing down.

Jonghyun sits there for a moment, the void of Minhyun’s body heat beside him leaving that side of himself feeling empty and cold.

He lets out a small sigh, before rearranging his blanket over himself, laying down, and closing his eyes.

* * *

The next day, Minki insists he treat him to food. Whether it’s on his own accord or at the suggestion from Minhyun, he isn’t sure. It’s probably a combination of both, he figures.

Minki’s already waiting for him inside of the dorm building when Jonghyun and his group arrive back from their practice.

“Ahhh, Minki, I’m sorry I’m late!” Jonghyun quickly apologizes when he sees his friend standing in the lobby of the building.

“It’s fine, Jonghyun,” Minki says, smiling, “I just got here. Go and change.”

Jonghyun apologizes again, says he'll only take a few extra minutes. Minki waves him off casually, and Jonghyun hurries up the stairs to his dorm room.

When he gets there, he throws his hands into the pile of clothing next to his bunk, finding a shirt and a pair of casual pants -- he's not sure if they're even his, but he changes into them anyway as he doesn't want to keep Minki waiting.

“Isn't that one of the shirts Old Hyung got Minhyun for his birthday a couple years back?” Minki asks when he sees him coming down the staircase.

“Really?” Jonghyun replies, looking down at his chest. “How do you even remember?”

“Wasn’t it when he visited his family in America and when he returned you scolded him for spending too much money on things for us?”

Jonghyun tilts his head. He vaguely recalls that Aron did fly to America a few years ago, but he doesn’t remember the details of that particular time.

“Ah, whatever,” Minki says. “It looks good on you. Money well spent.” He nods. “Come on, we should go.”

Minki turns around and pushes open the door. Jonghyun has to run a few paces to catch up with his friend, shrugging on his jacket at the same time. “Where?” he asks, and Minki shrugs.

“You’ve got your transit card, right?” Minki asks, and Jonghyun nods. “Okay,” he says, “let’s go.” He doesn’t answer Jonghyun’s question, and for the first instance in a long time Jonghyun’s the one following another person instead of the other way around.

* * *

Minki takes him to the center of Seoul, where all the cheap street food stands, outlet boutiques, and specialized restaurants are located. Jonghyun hasn't been in the area in some time, and he finds himself looking back and forth at each side of the road, admiring the energizing activity of the people around him even though it is a weeknight. The lamp lights of stores have already been turned on as the darkness of evening begins to settle in, and they bathe the area in a golden glow.

Minki insists on stopping at a coffee shop first, because he needs the caffeine and he's always had a penchant for sweet things.

“How's _Replay_ going?” Jonghyun asks, as he sits across a table from Minki who's blowing on his latte in an attempt to cool it down.

“Pretty well, actually,” he replies. “We haven't had any major troubles at all so far. They're a really weird bunch, especially Keonhee and Hwanung, but Gwanghyun is good at keeping us focused.”

“Oh, I'm really glad to hear that,” Jonghyun says. Minki looks content as he speaks about his groupmates, and Jonghyun can't help but smile too. It's been so long since he's gotten to sit down with his friend and relax.

But Minki has almost an entirely different attitude compared to how he’d been just a week or two before, when he had shed tears out of disappointment in himself and desperation at being unable to climb up ranks at their M!Countdown stage -- it’s kind of like he’d gone through a new revelation on the meaning of life. Jonghyun can’t help but ask what happened.

Minki tilts his head to the side at his question. “Really? I seem like that?” he replies, and Jonghyun nods.

“Oh,” he murmurs, putting down his coffee cup to ponder for a moment. “I guess my team has really helped me,” he says, softly, the classic tender and very Minki-esque smile that makes the fans go wild appearing on his lips. “I think I’m very lucky that Jung Jung chose me. He’s kinda like Minhyun, if you think about it.” Minki takes a sip from his coffee, glancing out the window of the cafe momentarily. “He’s smart -- he knows how to coordinate a group, both in skill and in how well we’d potentially work together. You know, I think if we even sucked as a team or plainly lacked ability I’d still be okay sticking with them, because even though they’re all kind of crazy--with the exception of Gwanghyun, he’s pretty chill--they’re some of the funniest and most enjoyable people I’ve ever met.”

Minki sighs as he leans back in his chair, staring across at Jonghyun.

“I guess you’ve made good friends, eh?” Jonghyun says. A thin blanket of relief settles over his mind for a moment. He’s truly thankful that his friend has found a true source of happiness, and even though Minki may not initially show or say it, he radiates it whenever he speaks about his group.

“Yeah,” Minki replies, “Although I guess it’s kind of inevitable. Being the youngest for such a long time and then suddenly I’m everybody’s hyung--” he laughs, “--It’s weird, since they all initially looked to me as a senior figure. Even Hwanung, who’s our leader.”

Minki pauses, and lets out a small chuckle. “Ah, sorry,” he begins, “I’ve been speaking about myself this whole time. What’ve you been up to, Jonghyun? You’re leader again, right?”

Jonghyun purses his lips, and he awkwardly scratches his head. “Well, yeah,” he begins, and Minki looks at him curiously.

“What, is Minhyunnie not holding up well? I saw you guys practicing the other day. He looked like he was about to snap his own neck trying to do that twist thing,” Minki says. He smiles as he brings his cup up to take another sip.

“Well, besides that,” Jonghyun murmurs, and he shakes his head. “Teaching someone who doesn't know even the beginnings of the choreography is difficult.” He sighs.

“What, Hyunbin?” Minki hums. When Jonghyun looks at him incredulously, Minki shrugs. “The guy's a model. He's probably good at working the angles of his body and face, but if you add in the fact that he's got to be aware of all if his angles during movement instead of only a certain side or view is a really weird feeling to him.” He pauses. “And now that you mention it, Minhyun did tell me about him. He's a nice person -- yeah, he isn't a natural dancer, but he'll get there with some practice.”

“Why do I feel like I'm the only one that ever worries this much?” Jonghyun asks. He reclines back in his chair and stares up at the ceiling, as if his answer is displayed somewhere on the dark wood above his head.

“‘Cause you are, for the most part, the only one, Jonghyun. Maybe that's why you're the leader in the first place I guess, ‘cause you always overcompensate and shoulder all the responsibility.”

Jonghyun tilts his head back down and stares at his friend across the table. He blinks as he considers Minki's words.

“Yeah, you should stop wallowing in your worries so much, Mr. Leader,” Minki adds, his tone light and casual, yet still remaining serious. “Give the rest of your groupmates some pressure to carry too and maybe you and Minhyun can both stop looking so serious all the time. Even Dongho is better now, despite the fact that he still gets a little startled when some other trainee approaches him and speaks to him like _he's_ the intimidating one.” He scoffs, as if the idea were entirely baffling to him.

“Minki,” Jonghyun begins. He closes his eyes for a moment and sighs, before opening them and folding his hands across the table. “When did you get so intuitive?”

Minki smiles at him. He leans across and grabs onto Jonghyun’s hands. “I've always been like this,” he says, “but I guess challenging experiences bring out the different aspects of people. And besides, you're my friend above all things, Jonghyun. I probably worry about you as much as you worry about me, or anyone else in our group.”

Jonghyun almost wants to laugh at Minki's words, because they're completely true to almost a fault. Whereas Minhyun can easily pick up Jonghyun’s thoughts and feelings almost as if they were the same person, Minki is unerringly observant and analytical -- it shows in his ability to interact with people. He comprehends how situations may affect a person, and is always able to find the reasoning behind their actions and thoughts. Part of how well he's able to understand Jonghyun and the rest of their group stems from his instinctive nature, and the other part is simply from how long they've all been joined together at the hip, connected to each other as if they all shared the same blood and heartbeat.

Jonghyun looks down at their joined hands. A wistful smile appears on his face.

Minki notices his reaction, and he pats the back of Jonghyun’s hands.

“Besides, we're away from the filming grounds, so you should leave your thoughts about the competition back there, where they belong,” he says.

“You're right,” Jonghyun replies. “Thank you,” he murmurs, and Minki flashes him a sweet smile.

“I'm finished with my coffee. We should go now, I want to go get food and take pictures so I can make Old Hyung jealous,” Minki says.

“Oh, yeah,” Jonghyun smiles and looks up, “How is he? His Kakao has been pretty silent for the past week or so.”

“He's lonely,” Minki notes. “Last time I chatted with him he was playing chess with Sungyeon.”

Jonghyun’s lips twist before he starts laughing at the image that appears in his mind. Even though his hyung did like to laze around at home a lot, he must've been desperate if he had Sungyeon teach him how to play chess.

“Why don't you video call him now, then?” he suggests.

“Sure,” Minki replies, “He might be playing another round though, you should have seen how excited he was when he told me he's finally getting good at board games.

Jonghyun has to bring his hand up to his mouth to contain his laughter.

* * *

“Welcome back, hyung!” Daniel greets when Jonghyun pokes his head around the door to their dorm room. Jonghyun thanks him, and Daniel grins wholeheartedly. The rest of their group is nowhere to be seen, with the exception of Minhyun lying on his bed.

“Had fun?” Minhyun asks him, turning his face away from his phone screen to look at the doorway.

Jonghyun nods. He walks over and leans against the frame of his bunk. “I feel much better now,” he says, and brings a hand up to rub his face as he yawns.

“I’m glad,” Minhyun says, and a soft smile appears on his face. “Minki sent me photos and stories to go along with them.”

Jonghyun raises his eyebrows. Yes, that’s quite typical of Minki, he realizes. It’s not like he didn’t notice his friend taking photos while they were walking around before, after, and during dinner.

“He also told me you guys talked with Old Hyung.”

Jonghyun nods.

“He’s alright?”

“He’s coping,” Jonghyun replies, quietly. He looked the same as ever on Minki’s phone screen, with the same halfway smile planted on his expression and the same lazy look he always gave anyone whenever he was relaxed. But his voice had sounded different through the phone, almost like he was steaming underneath his skin in an agonous way. Jonghyun caught hints of frustration, anger, desperation, disappointment, and maybe even jealousy. It had flattened his smile a little bit to hear his hyung like that, because he knew that out of all five of them he would arguably have the most difficult time adjusting to the situation. Aron was not known to be particularly level-headed, despite his seemingly idle and informal nature -- he only outwardly appeared that way. To some degree, he was like a giant, gentle sloth that napped all day, but had small things prick his skin easily. It was only when he had thousands of needles poking into him that he actually revealed the true intensity of his disapproval.

Minhyun sighs, dropping his phone to the side and rolling over onto his stomach. He understands what “coping” means for Aron. “Ahhh, this is too hard,” he grumbles, his words muffled in his pillow. “Maybe I’ll buy him another one of the sticker sets on Kakao that he wanted.”

Jonghyun huffs. “I guess that’s all we can do for now,” he says. He takes out his phone, checking the time on his screen. “I’ll go wash, curfew is in an hour."

“Okay,” Minhyun replies. He flips himself back over. “Wait,” he says, just as Jonghyun is turning around. 

“Hmm?”

Minhyun looks him up and down. “Minki was right,” he begins. “That is one of the shirts Old Hyung got me.”

“Oh,” Jonghyun murmurs, staring down at his torso.

“Please remember to hand wash it,” Minhyun says, the tone of his voice serious, the look on his face solemn. “It was expensive, and I know you got hot sauce on the sleeve.”

Jonghyun bangs his head on the bunk’s frame, startling Daniel who hurriedly asks him if he is all right.

* * *

He's not well-prepared for this. He bites his bottom lip nervously as Jaesung flips through a page on his clipboard.

“We'll run through the dance with Team 1 first,” he says, lifting his head.

The group of boys in blue shirts sitting nearby rise, move to the center of the room and into their starting positions.

Even though they don't have a member particularly strong in any category, their rehearsal is polished and organized, showcasing a true well-rounded team. Jonghyun particularly pays attention to their youngest, Seonho, and he sees him move behind the rest of the group. He keeps his eyes fixated on the boy, curious as he's standing still while the rest dance.

All of Jonghyun’s team let out a quiet “oooh” when Seonho takes a couple of giant strides before he steps on Minho’s back and leaps. Hyeop, crouched in front of Minho, ducks his head at the very last second as Seonho’s feet fly over him. The boy lands with the ease of a cat jumping down from atop a tree.

Team 1 ends with a round of applause from both Jaesung and Team 2. They sit back down on the floor, breathing hard but with satisfied looks on their faces.

“Team 2, you’re up,” Jaesung says, and Jonghyun’s group rises from their seats.

The look on Jaesung’s face as the group performs initially is neutral but soon morphs into an uncomfortable stare. Jonghyun knows at who in particular his attention is kept, and he can’t do anything but let that uneasy feeling of dreaded anticipation rise in his throat as he can practically hear his comments.

When his group finishes, they return to their seats in silence. Jaesung sighs, before looking at Jonghyun’s group.

“Jaehwan, Hyunbin,” he begins, “Get back up. Please show me the dance again.”

Jonghyun gulps.

Yes, Jaehwan isn’t a spectacular dancer. He manages to slough through the movements the second time around successfully, but he moves like he isn’t sure what exactly he’s doing. Almost as if he’d initially forgotten his steps but remembers them at the very, very last millisecond.

Jaehwan isn’t the major problem, though, and Jonghyun knows that.

It’s Hyunbin.

The poor guy nearly runs into his teammate as he’s moving around to the music, if one could really call it “moving”. Hyunbin barely knows where to place his arms and his feet. He’ll raise his arms, stick his legs into the correct position for the first beat, move like he’s supposed to for the second beat, and then drop his limbs all of a sudden as if he were sleepwalking and just woken up from a nightmare.

Jonghyun feels it’s his fault, because he was the one dragging Hyunbin back to their practice room, the one waking him up from naps, the one reminding him of the steps, the one helping him angle his arms, place his feet, snap his fingers properly -- he was the one with the umbrella, holding it over both of their heads in the middle of a rainstorm. But maybe he wasn’t tall enough, maybe he wasn’t holding it properly, maybe he was angling it too closely towards himself, because Hyunbin still got soaked anyways.

He wants to turn his face away, close his eyes, and not have to watch the result of his own incompetency unravel. But it wouldn’t be wise of him to do so; after all, he is the leader, and it is his obligation to face the consequences.

The music stops, and Jaesung sighs.

“Who’s the leader?” he asks, even though he doesn’t have to.

Jonghyun slowly raises his hand.

Jaesung looks him directly in the eye. When he speaks, the tone of his voice is very even and controlled.

“Stand up,” he says, and Jonghyun complies. “Do you think you’ll be ready with this?” he asks.

Jonghyun bites his lip. “Yes,” he says, “I believe we can be ready by the performance time.”

“Are you sure?” Jaesung replies. His lips are pursed together. “This was terrible to watch. You’re the leader, Jonghyun, and it is therefore your responsibility to teach these boys.”

“Yes, you are right. It’s my fault,” Jonghyun says, after a pause. “I didn’t do a good job as a leader.” He can feel the eyes of his teammates all staring up at him. Their gazes sear marks on his skin. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Hyunbin looking at him. The way he’s staring, it betrays how uncomfortable he feels at the moment. His mouth is half-open, as if he wants to interject, but he chooses not to speak because it’s not like he has a voice in the situation.

“I’m sorry. I’ll… I’ll do better.”

“You must,” Jaesung replies, and he leans back in his chair. “What if the showcase were today, and you showed up with this level of preparation?”

Jonghyun bows his head.

“You are lucky there is still another couple of days left,” he says, and Jonghyun nods.

He raises his head, and returns Jaesung’s stare. “I’ll fix it by then,” he says, his voice firm. Yes, he will. He’s had his fair share of criticism thrown at him and his friends before, from instructors, fans, and management all alike. But the way Jaesung speaks to him is not like he’s outright criticizing Jonghyun’s ability, although his words may seem like it. He speaks like he’s sympathizing with Jonghyun, a subtle understanding and ambitious expectations hidden behind his voice. Jaesung is not as active as the other instructors, but he is certainly not unaware of the things that happen on stage and behind the stage.

His words anticipate a result from Jonghyun, and Jonghyun will deliver. Not just for the sake of his own dignity, but also for the sake of the pride of every one of his teammates.

* * *

Jonghyun collapses on the floor, leaning his back against the wall as he unscrews the cap of his water bottle. He can see a pair of feet approaching him out of the corner of his eye, and he looks up at their owner.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Hyunbin says, as he stands in front of Jonghyun. His hands are crossed behind his back, a look of guilt painted over his generally neutral expression.

“What for?” Jonghyun asks.

Hyunbin crouches down, and he takes a seat next to Jonghyun.

“I know you work really hard, and you really care about all of us. I’ve never had someone teach me with so much effort and thoroughness,” Hyunbin says, quietly. He looks at Jonghyun, and brings his hands up to his face. “I know I’m not the best dancer, the fastest learner, or a good singer and rapper. So, I have to work harder than everyone else to make up for the skills I lack, and I haven’t been exactly doing that.” Hyunbin sighs shakily into his palms.

Frankly, Jonghyun is startled. He knows Hyunbin has been just as frustrated as he has over the outcome of their performance, but he never knew of the thoughts that had been brewing underneath the skin of his teammate.

Jonghyun places a hand on Hyunbin’s shoulder. “Hyunbin, what are you--” he begins.

“It scared me when Jaesung scolded you, hyung. Because even though you’re the leader, it’s not all your fault. I haven’t been working my hardest, and you took the blame for that.” Hyunbin’s breaths are uneven, his voice shaky.

“No, you don’t need to say that, I need to change some things and work harder too,” Jonghyun replies, quietly. “I just--”

Hyunbin brings his hands off of his face, and looks Jonghyun directly in the eye. His lips are downturned, and he blinks rapidly. “Please don’t blame yourself anymore, hyung,” he murmurs. “I will do better. Today I will get the choreography down, I promise. I won’t drag down the group anymore.”

“What--” Jonghyun begins, but Hyunbin interrupts him anyway by abruptly standing up.

“No,” he says, firmly. “Just watch me.” He walks away from Jonghyun, towards Seongwoo, who was standing in the middle of the floor and holding the iPad.

Jonghyun can’t hear what they’re saying, but Seongwoo hands Hyunbin the device. He watches the latter for the next few minutes, as Hyunbin stares at the screen in his hands, trying to the best of his abilities to follow the movements of the demo that’s playing. A new expression has settled over his face.

Another pair of feet approach Jonghyun, and he looks up to see Minhyun walking over. His friend takes a seat next to him, following Jonghyun’s eyes to Hyunbin’s figure in the middle of the room.

“See, Jonghyun? What I’d say?” Minhyun says. Jonghyun looks at him, tilting his head to the side. He gives Minhyun a mildly confused smile.

Minhyun grabs the open bottle from Jonghyun’s hands. “He’s a hard worker, even though he’s slow and takes some time to catch up. You’ve got nothing to worry about,” he says, before proceeding to gulp down the rest of the water.

* * *

“There!” Hyunbin shouts, throwing his hands up in the air and stomping his foot on the ground in his ending spot for _Sorry Sorry_. “I did it!”

Jaehwan throws his head back and begins laughing at his groupmate’s reaction. Out of the corner of his eye, Jonghyun can see Minhyun roll his head, crossing his arms, and mouthing “finally”.

Hyunbin grins at Jaehwan. He turns around and looks at Jonghyun. “See, hyung?”

“Hyunbin, how did you…” Jonghyun trails off. He stares, trying to recount the last few minutes.

He hadn't been paying attention to Hyunbin...because it's not like he made any noticeable mistakes, Jonghyun realizes. Hyunbin had followed his routine perfectly -- Jonghyun couldn’t vouch for how polished his moves were, but they were certainly done correctly and in the proper order.

A wide smile slowly begins to form on Jonghyun’s lips. He laughs, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth as his body shakes. It's like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. He had worried deeply about Hyunbin since he woke up this morning, as their deadline was in only two days and Hyunbin had been disappearing for longer stretches of time during practice that day. Yesterday he'd even returned to the dorm a few minutes before curfew and left the next morning before anyone else had woken up, which was a source of concern for almost everyone in the group.

“Hyunbin, you're amazing,” Jonghyun huffs.

Hyunbin's lips widen even further at his reaction.

“I'm genuinely shocked,” Seongwoo says, and Hyunbin looks at him incredulously.

“Why, hyung?” he asks, and Seongwoo smiles at him.

“Well, you were not a great dancer to begin with. I thought we'd be doomed,” he replies.

To any outsider, Seongwoo’s words would have sounded impolite and unnecessary. But he says them with a smile on his face and warmth in his voice that betrays the fondness he holds for Hyunbin and how proud he is of his accomplishment.

“Why are you always so rude?” Daniel remarks, and both he and Seongwoo laugh at each other.

“Ah,” Jonghyun begins. “Let's run through it once more, alright?”

“Hyung, do you think I just got lucky?” Hyunbin asks, and Jonghyun hurriedly shakes his head.

“Let's just do it again, but this time, I'll watch you and see what parts need to be altered,” he says.

Hyunbin nods at his reasoning. “Okay,” he agrees, happily, marching back to his starting position in the song.

Funnily enough, Hyunbin's dancing is passable to be on stage. There's no major errors Jonghyun can point out, only nitpicky things like having his palms flat instead of curling them or angling his knee a different way.

Jonghyun's so surprised that he remains in a mild state of shell-shock the rest of the afternoon.

When the group returns to the dorms for dinner, Jaehwan proposes they celebrate the next day.

“Where do you want to go?” Minhyun asks him, and Jaehwan shrugs.

“Soju?” he suggests, “I haven't had a drink in ages.”

“Uh,” Minhyun hesitates, “is that a good idea the day before the performance?”

“Relax, hyung,” Jaehwan laughs. “I am small, but I can hold my liquor. You are free to physically constrain me if I begin to get stupidly drunk.”

Minhyun shrugs. “Instead of an actual bar, why not a restaurant that offers alcohol?”

“Sure,” Jaehwan replies. “Where do you guys want to eat?” he asks.

Hyunbin pokes his head from around the open bathroom door, toothbrush stuck in his mouth. “Hot pot!” he says.

The rest of the guys have no interjection, and so it's decided that they'll go to one of the inner-city Chinese restaurants the following evening. Jaehwan says he knows the perfect place, and he leads the rest of his group down the street.

It’s kind of funny, Jonghyun thinks, because Jaehwan is the smallest and shortest out of all of them, the rest (with the exception of Jonghyun) towering at least a head or two above him. He walks in the middle of the group, hands coolly tucked into the pockets of his pants, shoulders forward and staring straight ahead as if he were the leader and the boys behind him were all his henchmen.

They must be quite a sight -- a group of tall men with caps and masks to hide their faces, moving down the sidewalk in one intimidating mass. Jonghyun does notice some bystanders looking their way, but for the most part they only glance before hurriedly switching their attention to something else.

The restaurant Jaehwan picks is in a shopping mall area, tucked in the corner of a quieter street. The sign of the establishment is partially obscured from Jonghyun’s vision by the overhanging platform of the floor above it, but because of that the red of its logo still shines with a glossiness as if it were recently painted.

“Bao-si-ao-di-wan…?” Daniel reads out loud the Hangul subscript of the restaurant name, which was written in Chinese.

“Means ‘The Roaring Bowl’,” Jaehwan replies. “There are stoves at each table and they basically let you light a fire and cook whatever you want. It's pretty cool.”

When they enter, Jonghyun is instantly hit in the face with the scent of incense intermingled with the standard smells of restaurant dishes. The lobby area of the restaurant is decorated in a rich red color, the wood of the walls having been painted scarlet and rippled in a way that mimicked the accordion fold of the oriental-styled dividers that separated them from the dining area. A row of electric candles sits on a table behind the cashier’s counter, and sticks of incense burn in a glass vase situated between them.

“This meal isn't going to drain my whole bank account, is it?” Seongwoo asks.

Jaehwan rolls his eyes. “No, unless you wanted it to,” he replies.

“Six?” the lady at the counter asks when she sees them, and Jaehwan nods. She pulls six menus from the pile atop the counter, motioning for them to follow her.

They're situated in a large booth near the back of the restaurant, partially enclosed by paper dividers whose frames were painted in gold. As Jaehwan had noted, two black burners sit in the middle of their table (the center of the wood is cut, allowing it to spin, Jonghyun notices).

Hyunbin eagerly throws himself onto the circular leather seat, scooting towards the middle of it and patting the spots next to him. He grabs a menu from the stack left on the table by the lady and begins to read.

Jonghyun and Jaehwan sit at the edges, but there's still plenty of space for everyone to move around. Jaehwan and Seongwoo take advantage of this, slouching back and spreading out their arms to rest them on the edge of the leather cushions.

“Why are you so long?” Daniel asks, looking at Seongwoo dumbfoundedly as he eyes him up and down. “Stop taking all the space, man.” He elbows his friend in the side.

“Why are you so wide?” Seongwoo replies, “You take up even more--”

“Geez,” Jaehwan interrupts.

Their waiter chooses that moment to appear. He glances between all of them awkwardly, before smiling anyways and introducing himself to collect their orders.

Jonghyun laughs when Hyunbin says he wants their largest beef selection. He doesn't know how Hyunbin would manage to eat it all, and all of it's going to be thrown into a pot together, so he purposely orders less for himself.

The waiter is about to leave after everyone has requested their dishes; but Jaehwan stops him just as he's turning around.

“Wait,” he says. “One more thing.”

The waiter turns back around and looks at Jaehwan. “Yes?” he replies.

Jaehwan purposefully glances at Seongwoo while he speaks. “One 250mL bottle of your 1573 _Lu-jeou_ , please. Can’t forget that.”

The waiter nods, writing Jaehwan’s request down on his notepad. He asks if there's anything else, proceeding to leave when Jaehwan shakes his head.

Jonghyun raises an eyebrow just as Seongwoo whistles.

“Fancy,” Seongwoo snorts.

“Dear lord, Jaehwan,” Minhyun says, “Both you and your wallet will wake up tomorrow crying. When you said ‘soju’, I thought you meant literal _soju_.”

Jaehwan laughs. “I'm not going to drink it all myself, I probably wouldn't make it to tomorrow if I did, so I got a smaller bottle. I want to share it with you guys,” he says. “The best performance team I could have ever asked for.”

“Jaehwan…” Jonghyun begins, “You really needn’t do that. It's expensive, and the bill will already be a fair amount on top of that. I'll help you pay it.”

Jaehwan smiles at him. “It's okay, hyung,” he says. He folds his arms in front of him, glancing at every one of his teammates sitting around the table.

“As a trainee not under any company, I don't get the opportunities a lot of you guys have. I don't have seniors to look up to or people I can ask for advice. I don't have lots of friends that are other trainees too because I don't have many chances to meet them. There's no company to find me opportunities and make decisions on how to market me or when to market me.” Jaehwan sighs, but the look on his face is one of content. “So when I decided to sign up for Produce 101, I didn't know what I could expect. What kind of people I would meet, the environment they would create, how the competition would be like, whether trainees and their companies would be rivals with each other and if I'd be stuck in the middle since I'm a loner. So when I met all of you, I didn't expect such a variety of characters. Or to become friends with all of those people, because this competition looked like a job to me at first. All of you are very wonderful people, and I'm very grateful for how you've treated me this whole time.”

He looks down at the table for a moment, smiling to himself, before looking up at them again.

“Even if Produce 101 gets me nowhere, I am thankful that I have gained such great friends. Buying you guys a fancy bottle of alcohol is the least I could do.”

“Damn it, Jaehwan,” Seongwoo says. “Stop being so _sappy,_ you're scaring me.”

Jaehwan laughs, rolling his eyes.

“I don't think you should be only thanking us,” Minhyun begins. “We could always find another vocalist, but certainly not one that's you. Honestly, I wasn't even aware your vocal tone was so developed when I picked you. And then, who would've suggested to eat out in the first place and lead us to this restaurant?”

“And you too, Minhyun. So _sappy_.” Seongwoo makes a face, but it doesn't hide the warmth in his voice and the grin he has on his lips.

“Jaehwan, you are too kind,” Jonghyun says. His friend's statements had truly touched him, and he blinks as he's forgotten what he was going to say.

He then notices Hyunbin on the verge of tearing up, his expression watery as he looks at Jaehwan. “Hyunbin,” he says, “Don't cry now, you'll ruin your appetite.”

“But hyung…” he trails off. Jaehwan looks at him, leaning over to pat his hand that rested on the table.

“Hyunbinnie,” he says, comfortingly, “Don't be sad, food will be here soon.”

“Okay,” Hyunbin murmurs, looking down at his hands.

The group is quiet for the next minute, but the waiter soon returns with another waiter trailing behind him. He holds a pot in each of his arms, the second man balancing two large trays of food. Hyunbin's beef dish is on one of them, and it seems to readily cheer him up when he sees it.

After setting up their pots and igniting the flames, the waiter tells them he will return with Jaehwan’s _Lu-jeou_ and their rice bowls.

A few minutes of impatient waiting later, Hyunbin begins excitedly adding ingredients to one if the pots, which was already partially filled with boiling water and vermicelli.

The rest of the guys soon join him, providing their own spin to the recipes. Daniel and Seongwoo are as much of meat-lovers as Hyunbin is, while Minhyun requests the second pot be less protein and more greens.

The waiter soon returns, one tray balancing six bowls of rice and their complementary plates while another holds the bottle of _Lu-jeou_ and six shot glasses. Jaehwan thanks him as he sets them down, and pushes the bottle to the side.

“Eat and enjoy,” he says. “We have all earned it.”

It's after he's gone through his first full plate of food that he sets his chopsticks down, grabbing the bottle of _Lu-jeou_ and proceeding to unscrew the cork.

All the guys look towards him as he begins to pour, starting with Jonghyun. He moves around and leans over, doing so for every one of the group.

Jaehwan remains standing, and he brings his shot glass up in front of him, holding it with an outstretched arm.

“To our team,” he says, as he looks around the table, his tone solemn, but at the same time untroubled. “The best team I could have asked for.”

He turns his head, looking down at Jonghyun in front of him.

“To our Jonghyun, the best leader I could've ever wished for. An amazing teacher, a thoroughly skilled individual, and the most competent and humble man you will ever meet.”

He turns his gaze slightly, now facing Minhyun.

“To Minhyun, a very down-to-earth and intelligent character, our wonderful vocalist with a respectful charisma.”

Jaehwan has to completely turn his body to face Daniel. He laughs when Daniel grins comically at him.

“To Daniel, one of the kindest and most modest people I have ever gotten to meet, a persona just like the color of his hair -- a true man and a true team player.”

He turns his head, looking down at Seongwoo sitting next to him.

“To Seongwoo, the fiercest character I have ever met, an amazing dancer, and our most charming center.”

And then Jaehwan looks at Hyunbin, sitting right in the middle of their group.

Hyunbin has his eyes fixated on his bowl, sitting stone-still like a statue. But Minhyun nudges him, whispering “Look up, don't be rude,” and he slowly lifts his head. Jaehwan smiles at him, and Hyunbin returns him a shaky grin.

“And to Hyunbin, who may struggle the most, but sets forth his mind to his goal and accomplishes it -- our very hardworking maknae.”

Jaehwan sits down, about to bring his shot glass to his lips. But Jonghyun stops him by abruptly standing up.

“To Jaehwan,” he begins, “The best main vocalist we could ever ask for, and the greatest friend any person wishes they would have.”

“Jonghyun…” Jaehwan murmurs.

“And to our group of trainees, who are all so different, but when we come together, we come together as both teammates and as friends -- may we have luck on our side, and may we win over our audience,” Jonghyun adds.

He holds up his shot glass, and the others follow his movement. Some of them clink glasses, some of them simply raise them up in the air in toast, but they all down their shot at the same time.

Jonghyun squeezes his eyes closed for a moment, letting the burn of the alcohol slide down his throat -- it's been so long since he's drunk anything so potent. He can taste the wealth of the liquid, as it initially feels like pepper and steam down his throat, numbing his tongue to the point that it feels like the clear liquid has a distinguishable texture; but it leaves a sharp scent and aftertaste of musk and sweetened peaches.

He hears Hyunbin coughing, and someone pounding on his back.

“Don't just sip it like wine, Hyunbin,” he hears Minhyun say. “You'll give yourself a slow death if you do that.”

* * *

By the time they leave the restaurant, the sun has fully set and their only source of light is the lamp posts lining the streets, illuminating their path.

Jonghyun feels slightly giddy, not just because of the alcohol running in his veins (thankfully he’s only reached the level of mildly tipsy, he thinks) but also because this night was the most enjoyment he's had in quite a while.

To his surprise, Hyunbin had managed to scarf down a fair portion of the meat he ordered. The boy leans on the thinner, gangly side, but his appetite surely doesn't. Jonghyun is secretly grateful they decided to split the bill based on the amount each person ordered.

Jaehwan still walks at the front of their group. He laughs at something Minhyun tells him, before he turns around and stops.

“Hey,” he says, and they all stop walking. “Can I take a picture? To remember this night.”

They all agree, and Jaehwan smiles and pulls his phone from his jacket pocket.

“Gather together,” he says. The group converges in.

“Okay, I'll take a photo in three, two, one…” Jaehwan presses his phone screen, and there's a click from the device as a photo is taken.

“Thank you,” he says. Jonghyun asks him if he can see the photo, and Jaehwan nods.

The five of them are gathered in one large group, all posed with stereotypical peace signs and hearts on their hands, with the exception of Daniel holding up a plastic bag of leftovers. Their faces are hidden by their masks, but one can see their happiness in the expression in their eyes, the corners crinkling as their lips are surely grinning behind the thin cotton.

“Looks good,” Jonghyun comments.

“Thank you, hyung,” Jaehwan replies. He laughs, casually swinging his arms as he turns around and proceeds down the sidewalk.

* * *

They’re watching Minki and his group perform _Replay_. When the camera zooms in on his face, Jonghyun can’t help but smile, because he looks like he’s enjoying himself. The audience quite is too, judging by the amount of screaming he can hear through the screen.

“Ah,” Minhyun sighs, reclining back in his chair. “Minki looks fantastic, doesn’t he?”

Jonghyun nods. “Yes,” he agrees.

“He only needs to look at the audience and suddenly all the girls are screaming,” Minhyun chuckles, and Jonghyun can’t help but agree. It’s always been like that for his friend -- the type of aura he exudes is unstoppable; but having dulled in recent times, only finally has it begun to gain back its previous luster.

Jonghyun lets out a sigh, because he feels like a weight was finally lifted off of his chest. He’s able to enjoy the rest of the performance wholeheartedly. He claps when Keonhee hits his high notes, smiles when Justin grins at the camera, _oohs_ when Gwanghyun sings (“His voice is kinda like Jaehwan’s, don’t you think? Both the Starship boys are no joke,” Minhyun comments), laughs when Hwanung jumps around the stage, turning around and throwing hearts in a way that if anyone else did it it’d be outright _cringey_ , and gives an emphatic round of applause when Jung Jung flies in an aerial down the middle of the group, landing gracefully in a crouch and grinning as the music finishes.

Minki was right -- his group is the real embodiment of the ideal not only as idols, but for the overall image of their song as well.

“I can’t wait to see how Dongho does,” Minhyun murmurs. Jonghyun looks at him and bites his lip.

“It’s not odd that I’m still really worried about him, is it?” Jonghyun asks, and Minhyun slowly shakes his head. “I don’t want him to be crushed. Because you know, the Avengers group and all that.”

“I think he’ll be fine,” Minhyun replies, but the tone of his words is uncertain. “Dongho may have taken a harder hit than the rest of us, but just like Minki, I’m sure he’s recuperating. He tagged along with Minki and some of his group the other day when they went downtown. Minki says he was alright, for the most part. He said likes the people in his group.”

“Ah, okay,” Jonghyun murmurs. He sits in silence, quietly watching the rest of the groups perform, until Boa announces the next song would be _Boy in Luv_.

“Here we go,” Minhyun says, taking a breath, and Jonghyun mentally prepares himself as well.

Team 1 performs first, and the screams from the audience are almost unreal. It was smart of them to choose Jihoon as their center, Jonghyun thinks, for when he turns around and musses his hair the screen of the television almost pulses with the same intensity of the audience cheering. But he can’t help but purse his lips, because this kind of reception would be troublesome for Dongho’s team.

Then again, it’s not like winning against Team 1 was a viable outcome in the first place.

Their performance finishes without any error, and the boys in the room clap respectfully for their fellow trainees.

Dongho’s team piles onto the stage after Team 1 leaves. They get into their starting positions, crouched down in the center, heads facing down. The lights dim, and Jonghyun feels a nervous fluttering in his stomach.

At the first beat of the song, the camera pans quickly over all of the trainees. It lands on Dongho, choosing him as its center focus.

The stare Dongho gives as he moves his head back and forth to the beat sends chills down Jonghyun’s spine. He doesn’t exactly portray any set emotion, but his brows, temple, and jaw are tensed, emphasizing the ferocity of which he glares directly at the camera, as if he knows Jonghyun, Minhyun, Minki, and maybe even Aron are all watching him right at that moment -- as if he is shouting at all of them, _I know this is not a game anymore, so here is what I have to offer._

Minhyun brings his hand up, curling it into a fist, and holding the back of his palm against his lips. He is just as anxious as Jonghyun, but at the moment he stares at the screen like he’s forgotten how to breathe.

“Dongho,” he murmurs, “His fighting spirit has come back.”

Jonghyun is silent, completely lost for words. He can only nod and continue to stare at the screen, his eyes fixated on it like he’s caught in some kind of trance.

Team 2’s performance is nothing short of absolutely spectacular, Jonghyun thinks. He’s on the edge of his seat the whole time, holding his breath. They all really put in an amazing amount of effort -- their youngest’s improvement is the most noticeable, for although Kuanlin’s arms still fly around and his rapping is a bit iffy, it’s an immense change compared to his audition performance. When his groupmates lift him up, the fans scream just as loudly as they had for Jihoon.

But the real gem of their performance is nearing the end, when the beat becomes slower, and Dongho moves towards the front of the stage, singing his lines with his hand over his chest like he’s got his heart set on it. And then Yongguk and Gunmin double on the song’s climax, harmonising and capturing each and every note cleanly like they’re the ones who originally sang it.

Jonghyun can feel himself shiver for that moment, his heart pounding in his chest. The boys all around him cheer and clap for their fellow trainees.

Gunmin moves towards the back of the stage, while Yongguk carries the high note adlibs in the last chorus -- adlibs that were missing in the first group’s performance, Jonghyun notes. Team 1 hadn’t had any particularly strong vocalist, but Team 2 was vastly different.

A chorus of shouts sound behind him when Gunmin flips. They turn into whoops and cheers when the camera zooms into Yongguk, his eyes closed, having completely lost himself into his performance. Jonghyun glances at Minhyun sitting beside him -- his friend is just as shocked as he is, having been eerily motionless in his seat for the past couple of minutes.

And then at the end of the performance, when all of the boys stand together on the stage in their ending positions, chests heaving trying to catch their breath, but staring at the camera with expressions full of determination and accomplishment, all of the trainees around Jonghyun begin to rise in their seats, yelling their amazement, throwing their hands in the air, and clapping with full force.

Jonghyun and Minhyun rise as well, joining the standing ovation being given for Team 2 -- _Dongho’s_ team.

Minhyun’s voice is shaky as he speaks. Jonghyun is almost hardly able to hear his words over the noise in the room.

“Our Dongho,” Minhyun says, “our Dongho is back.”

Jonghyun grins ear-to-ear. “Yes, yes he is.”

* * *

They’re all gathered together backstage. Daniel pulls them together into a group huddle, arms resting on each other’s backs and heads bowed towards the center.

“We’re going to blow away the audience,” he says, “I just know it.”

Jonghyun smiles. “Do your best, everyone. Even if we don’t win, at least we’ll have showed the viewers our best abilities,” he says. “I’m really proud of each and every one of you. We’ve all worked so hard this past week, and I couldn’t be more grateful to have a team like this one.”

An event staff in the background shouts out, “One minute until you’re on stage!”

Jonghyun glances behind him, sending the staff member a nod. He turns back around, and smiles at his group. “Let’s make this performance one to remember,” he says.

“Okay,” Seongwoo begins, “Hyunbin, don’t screw up,” he says.

Hyunbin stares at his hyung in mock offense. Jaehwan breaks away, giggling madly, his hand covering his mouth as his shoulders shake in fits of laughter. Jonghyun has come to learn that one of Jaehwan’s favorite things to see his Hyunbin at the mercy of Seongwoo.

“Thirty seconds!” the event staff calls out.

Daniel pulls them all closer together into one giant group hug, before they break away from their circle.

They turn and walk towards the stairs leading up to the stage. Jonghyun takes a deep breath and shakes his shoulders, trying to ease off the tension in his muscles.

Somebody slides an arm around his shoulders, and he turns his head to see Minhyun looking at him.

“I hope you’re not too nervous,” he says, and Jonghyun shakes his head.

“Good,” Minhyun murmurs. His eyes briefly look Jonghyun up and down. “This suit fits you nicely,” he says.

Jonghyun’s thoughts stutter for a moment, and he blinks a few times before a small smile appears on his face. “Thanks,” he replies, softly, and Minhyun pats him on the back.

“You’ll do great,” Minhyun says. He shoots Jonghyun a fond smile, before retracting his arm from his shoulders. He steps up onto the stairs, and Jonghyun takes another deep breath, before following Minhyun’s footsteps.

* * *

The number next to Hyunbin’s name flashes “142”, and all the boys in the room gasp.

It’s when the “3000” is added onto each of Team 2’s vote values that Hyunbin breaks down into actual tears.

His friends gather around him, patting his back and giving him hugs. “You did great,” Daniel says, “You deserve it, Hyunbinnie.” Even some of the guys from the other team gather around them. They shake hands or hug, because there’s supposed to be no hard feelings. Jonghyun feels a little bit guilty, because Team 1 had a performance just accomplished as Team 2; but a lot of the popularity from people in his team translated over to votes.

“Hey, Hyunbin,” Jonghyun says, leaning down over Hyunbin’s shoulder, “you’ve worked so hard, you deserve your votes.” He smiles, but Hyunbin looks up at him with tears in the corners of his eyes.

“Thank you, hyung,” he murmurs, “Thank you for teaching me so well.”

Jonghyun chuckles. He rubs Hyunbin’s shoulder. “I’m proud, Hyunbin, I really am.” He stands up, looks at his team, and for the second time that week he smiles because he’s truly content, amazingly thankful for the people around him -- “All of you,” he begins, “Daniel, Hyunbin, Seongwoo, Jaehwan, Minhyun. I’m proud of all of you.”

His friends grin at his words -- even Daniel, who looked dejected when he saw the mediocre amount of votes he had gathered, but it seems Jonghyun has managed to alleviate at least some of his tensions.

“Hyung--” Jaehwan begins, but he’s cut off as an event staff member pokes her head around the doorway and says it’s time for both teams to assemble in the viewing room.

* * *

“Man, it feels like I’ve been living with you all for a long time,” Jaehwan sighs, reclining back in his bed. “It’s gonna be weird switching into a new dorm.”

Seongwoo rolls his eyes. “Don’t be so sentimental, Jaehwan. You’re still going to get to see all of us, because I highly doubt anyone in this group got eliminated,” he chides. “And we’ve still got the weekend. We’re not moving yet.”

“The weekend,” Hyunbin murmurs, “The weekend for sleep.” He looks exhausted as he sits down on his pile of blankets on the floor, staring at his hands placed in front of him.

“All of us need to take a break,” Daniel says. “Let’s just spend our weekend enjoying ourselves, alright? I don’t want to think about elimination, especially the night right after our performance.”

“I think I will just sleep both days,” Hyunbin murmurs, and he falls back onto his pillow with a groan. Daniel laughs at him. “Lights out in about thirty minutes anyways. I’ll go brush my teeth,” he says, shrugging and standing up to head towards the bathroom.

“Hey, Jonghyun.” Jonghyun hears someone say his name quietly. He crawls over to the edge of his bed and leans over. Two hands placed on the frame brace his upper body and he swings his head down to look at the bed below him.

“What?” he replies.

Minhyun startles for a moment. “Oh god,” he says, placing his hand over his chest, “You didn’t have to just drop down like that. You scared me for a second.”

Jonghyun laughs awkwardly. “Sorry,” he quickly apologizes.

Minhyun blinks a few times, his body posture relaxing. “Want to go somewhere tomorrow?” he asks.

“Sure,” Jonghyun says. “Where and when?”

Minhyun shrugs. “After you wake up, I guess,” he says, “Just wander around the city. Maybe we can even visit Old Hyung.”

“I don’t know if he’ll let us do that,” Jonghyun replies, and he smiles at the thought. “I think he’d cry, and he doesn’t like to let us know that he _can_ actually cry.”

A smile briefly appears on Minhyun’s lips. “Well, we’ll see,” he says, “But I figure we’ll just go wherever we want at the moment.”

“Alright,” Jonghyun replies.

Minhyun sighs, softly, and says, “It’s settled, then.”

* * *

He’s grateful that he doesn’t have to wake up to the annoying sound of Daniel's alarm, with the fog of sleep still clouding his brain and the cold of the early morning seeping into the dorm. The blinds of the windows are closed, but the rays of light that shine through the cracks tell him it must be at least late morning.

When he sits up and looks around at his room, there’s an absence of bodies except for Hyunbin still snoozing away on the floor. The clock on his phone tells him it’s just past eleven in the morning, and he texts Minhyun to tell him he’s up.

His friend has replied by the time he’s done brushing his teeth, but Jonghyun doesn’t notice until he’s leaving the bathroom just as Minhyun walks through their dorm door.

“Good morning,” he says, and Jonghyun yawns as a reply. Minhyun laughs at him. “Slept well?” he asks, and his friend nods.

“Old Hyung told me we’re not allowed to visit,” Minhyun says. He actually looks sorely disappointed, and Jonghyun has to remind him that Aron is probably still in an uneasy place. “But it’s okay,” Jonghyun says, “Sungyeon is teaching him how to play board games.”

Minhyun starts laughing, and Jonghyun can’t help but be caught in his laughter too, because no matter how many times he’d thought about it, Aron becoming entertained by something as mundane as _board games_ , when his preference was excitement like parties or sports, is an entirely foreign thought.

Minhyun waits for him at the doorway while he buries his hands into the pile of clothing at the foot of their bunk. “We’ll need to do something about that,” Minhyun notes, “I don’t know if it’s going to fit in our bags in its current form.”

“And I don’t want to have to hand-wash another expensive thing Old Hyung bought for you again,” Jonghyun says.

“Oh come on,” Minhyun replies, but there’s no irritation in his voice. Jonghyun softly laughs, pulling a set of clothes from the pile. He throws them on without much care and brushes his hair with his fingers before he deems himself ready to go outside.

Minhyun looks him up and down. “You remind me of Dongho,” he says.

Jonghyun tilts his head to the side. “Really?” he says.

“They put up a video of him that compared how messily he prepares himself in the morning to other trainees. The captions are pretty stupid,” Minhyun replies. “And they play jungle music like he’s some kind of caveman from the past.”

“Well,” Jonghyun says, “If you can find it, show me it later. I wonder how Dongho will react.”

Minhyun smiles. “He’s probably going to be shocked, just like how he’s been shocked about everything else.”

Jonghyun hears a shuffling noise behind him, and both he and Minhyun turn around to see Hyunbin sitting up. His eyes are still closed for the most part, but he looks quite disgruntled.

“Just go already,” he groans, “And let me sleep.”

Minhyun laughs. “Alright, then,” he says, before opening the door and holding it open for Jonghyun.

* * *

Minhyun was not joking when he said he had no idea where he wanted to go, and Jonghyun doesn’t know either. His friend literally just takes him on some random route in the subway. Somehow they end up in one of the tightly-knit suburbs in the city, walking down the clean lines and uniform grey of the sidewalk.

Jonghyun sees a book shop ahead of them, and he wanders inside with Minhyun trailing behind him.

The bell tied to the door with a frayed red ribbon jingles as they walk in. There’s no one there to greet them, only the mismatched patchwork of rugs covering uneven wooden planks of the floor and rows upon rows of shelves that overflow with books, many having formed stacks on the floor and in the aisle down the shop.

There are laminated pieces of paper taped to the sides of the shelves that state what type of book that row contained. Jonghyun slowly walks down the aisle, glancing at each piece of paper, before he finds one he’s interested in.

The depth of the section he enters is short, but the shelves surround him on all sides, tall enough to reach several feet over his head. There’s not a single bit of the wood that isn’t covered with a source of reading material.

“I swear, you’ve read the entire selection in this area already,” Minhyun comments, picking up a book and looking at its cover.

Jonghyun laughs, and he shakes his head. “Not this one,” he says, holding up a paperback with a deep crease slicing its front cover in half. Jonghyun flips through the pages -- they crinkle as he rifles through them, having long yellowed with age and corners deformed by water damage. He goes back to the first page, eyes flitting back and forth as he reads the text.

“It’s about a man who lost himself in a circle of organized crime and ends up setting the world down the path of war,” Jonghyun says.

Minhyun has picked up a different book. It has the same level of wear as the one in Jonghyun’s hand, except that its pages are not rippled from exposure to moisture. But it seems a corner of the cover has been burnt off, as the ragged edges of it are seared with a black-brown hue.

“Mine is about a man who works his way up the political ladder but in turn makes a bunch of decisions that end up ruining him in the end,” Minhyun says.

“Sounds like an interesting book,” Jonghyun says, “Can you hold onto these two for me?”

Minhyun looks up. “You’re not going to buy them, are you, Jonghyun?” he asks. “They're both pretty worn down, and even the cover on this one is ripped.”

Jonghyun shrugs. “That means someone loved the story at one point -- it's not the outside that matters to me, but the story. Besides,” he folds over the cover of the book in Minhyun’s hand and reads the number marked on the very first page, “it’s only a thousand won.”

“Alright,” Minhyun agrees. He tails Jonghyun around the shop for another few minutes. They’re still down somewhere in the historical fiction area when he asks, “Remember that one time you worked in a library?”

Jonghyun looks at him curiously. “Yeah, why?”

“I remember I once found you sleeping with a book on your face,” Minhyun replies. “It was this one, wasn’t it?” He holds up the book in question.

“ _When the Last Sword is Drawn,_ ” Jonghyun reads. “I’ve read that one before. How do you even remember? That was over four years ago.”

Minhyun shrugs. “I don’t know,” he murmurs. “Maybe I notice these things the same way that Minki noticed that you were wearing my shirt.”

He pulls out another book from the shelf next to him. _Memorabilia of the Three Kingdoms_ is written in sweeping calligraphy over the front. “And I remember that string of nights you came home late because you were helping a middle school kid prepare for his entrance exams. He told you his class was reading this book.”

“Minhyun…” Jonghyun begins.

“I remember I was the one that stayed up and waited for you, and when you came back home I made sure there was food left over from dinner for you to eat.”

Minhyun leans against a shelf. He laughs quietly at himself for a moment, before taking a deep breath.

“Guess I was swept for a pretty long time, wasn't I?” he says, softly.

Jonghyun can feel a flutter in his chest at Minhyun’s words. He smiles, before walking up to his friend and taking the book in Minhyun’s hand. He places it and the other one he carried on a shelf next to them.

Jonghyun reaches out his arms, and he grabs both of Minhyun’s hands in his own.

“Thank you,” he says.

“For what?” Minhyun asks.

“For waiting for me. And for making sure I had food. I don't remember if I ever did thank you,” Jonghyun replies.

Minhyun smiles. “You did, actually. Plenty of times.”

Jonghyun looks down at his feet. “Oh,” he murmurs, “Sorry.” He smiles sheepishly, and Minhyun shakes his head.

“It's nothing you should apologize for,” Minhyun replies. “Come on, let's continue on your book hunt.”

Jonghyun nods. “I want find where they have their sci-fi stuff,” he says. He lets go of one of Minhyun’s hands, but the other one still grips Minhyun’s palm firmly.

Their fingers instinctively entwine together as Jonghyun walks out of the row of shelves, head swiveling back and forth while he reads the laminated paper labels taped to the wood, all while pulling Minhyun along behind him.

* * *

Together, they roam around the city for the next several hours.

Jonghyun’s heels begin to ache from all the walking, only having been able to rest them once the whole day when they had stopped at a restaurant to eat.

But even though he may physically want to go home and rest, he mentally doesn't. He wants to explore with Minhyun for as long as he can, because with Minhyun he doesn't need to care about any of the responsibilities he has, at least for the moment. Because when he's outside in the world, it's just him and Minhyun -- that's all it is to him. Him and Minhyun. Not the leader and the vocalist, not the friend and the subordinate, not the competitor and the opponent.

They are two equals, and Jonghyun enjoys having Minhyun lead him around for a change.

It's nearing evening when the two ride the subway yet again, having finished exploring the previous district. The sun hasn't begun to set, but the sky had dimmed to a degree.

“Do you want to go back?” Minhyun asks.

“No,” Jonghyun instantly replies. “Unless you want to. I'm okay either way.”

Minhyun nods. “Okay,” he says. “There's one last place I want to visit.”

Jonghyun asks where that may be, but Minhyun just shakes his head and tells him he'll see soon enough.

They get off at a station a few stops later. Jonghyun follows Minhyun closely. He tries to guess where Minhyun may be heading, but his friend doesn't walk in any clear direction of an area Jonghyun would assume he may want to visit. In fact, he seems to be just following the road.

It's after a fair amount of walking Minhyun stops. He turns around to look at Jonghyun.

“Here,” he says.

“Here?” Jonghyun asks.

“Yeah. You know where we are, right?” Minhyun asks. He leans forward, resting his arms on the concrete railing, staring out at the city expanse in front of him.

“Of course. The Han River,” Jonghyun replies.

Minhyun closes his eyes for a moment, taking in a deep breath. The _whoosh_ of the cars as they fly by in the near distance seem to echo the gusts of wind that pass by them. They pull back Minhyun’s hair from his face as he stares ahead.

When he turns around to look at Jonghyun, the wind lifts his locks again, temporarily shielding part of his face from Jonghyun’s view.

“Close,” Minhyun says. “Yanghwa Bridge.”

Jonghyun moves next to Minhyun, resting his arms on the railing as well. “Well, that too,” he replies, “Why here, though?”

“This city looks best just before it becomes dark,” Minhyun says, quietly. “You can see Mapo.” He glances at his at his left, and Jonghyun follows his movements. The roads of the bridge disappear and fade into a point in the distance, where all the grey lines of the concrete cabling meet the muted blues, reds, and blacks of the district. Jonghyun can see the bright lights of Hongdae already illuminated in their various colors, preparing the city for the night, where the hoards of students are pulled towards the clubs, bringing along their mismatched lively chaos, soon to become the centerpiece of the city.

“There’s Yeongdeungpo.” Minhyun looks to his right, his eyes following the outline of the buildings closest to him. They stand on the side of the bridge that is closer to Yeongdeungpo, and Jonghyun can pick out the small details of the district. He can see the geometric pattern of the skyscrapers, their reflective windows tinted slightly yellow as the sun begins its journey from east to west, and the glow of the light from the lamp posts that are partially hidden from his view by the brush planted around the streets in order to provide a more enjoyable scenery to the civilians of the area. But his eye catches the shining golden light that reflects from the Hanhwa 63 skyscraper, which towers above all the rest of the buildings surrounding it. If he were to look directly at it while at a closer distance, he would most certainly go blind.

“And then there’s the river.” Minhyun looks ahead of him. “The lights look quite beautiful when they reflect on the water, don’t they?” he asks.

Jonghyun nods.

“I sometimes forget how spectacular this city is,” Minhyun continues. “There’s so many different sections that you’d think they were intended to be separate cities in the first place. Each district serves a different purpose for the people here, but they’re all connected together and made one by bridges like this one. Unified into one city, incomplete if one of its pieces is missing.”

Minhyun sighs, and he looks at Jonghyun. “One city that has given me so many opportunities. So many different experiences, so many different memories, and so many different people tied to all of it. Looking back, although I sometimes don’t realize it, it has never ceased to surprise me.”

He ducks his head and laughs for a second. “Kind of like you guys,” he says. “All of you guys never stop amazing me. Not just Nu’est, but the Produce 101 guys too. This whole experience has been one crazy roller coaster ride. But I wouldn’t say I’ve hated it.” His eyes meet Jonghyun’s gaze, and he stares, unblinking, for a moment. “Not at all.”

Jonghyun hums, and turns his face to look down at the wide expanse of the river below him.

“I’m the same,” he begins, “It feels like only yesterday we were wiped out in our practice room, prepared for the worst possible outcome on the show. And it looked like the worst possible outcome at first, but I think now everything seems different. It’s not so bad anymore.”

“Yeah,” Minhyun nods. “Not so bad anymore.” He echoes Jonghyun’s words quietly.

Minhyun stays silent for another few minutes. Jonghyun doesn’t bother to speak up, because he notices his friend seems to be completely immersed in his own thoughts, and instead he chooses to let him contemplate while he stares out into the water, watching the reflection of the lights of the city flicker in the slow waves of the river.

“There was a song that they sang on the first season, about this bridge,” Minhyun murmurs.

“Zion.T?” Jonghyun replies.

Minhyun nods. “I haven’t heard it in some time. Do you remember how it goes?” he asks.

“A little bit,” Jonghyun replies. He opens his mouth, and he begins to softly sing.

“ _I was always alone at home,_

_my dad was a taxi driver._

_Whenever I asked him where he was,_

_he’d answer, Yanghwa Bridge._

_Every morning, he’d leave me candy and ramen._

_My dad would end his shift at dawn._

_I remember the young me, always waiting for his pocket._

_Mom, dad, my two older sisters,_

_I was the baby of the family, the cutie._

_I remember those days,_

_I remember._

_Let’s be happy,_

_let’s be happy._

_Don’t be sick, don’t be sick._

_Let’s be happy, let’s be happy,_

_don’t be sick._ ”

Jonghyun pauses to take a breath, but Minhyun picks up where Jonghyun left off in the song.

“ _Back then, when I was young,_

_I didn’t know anything._

_The feeling of walking across that bridge_

_Whenever I asked him where he was,_

_my dad would always be at_

_Yanghwa Bridge, Yanghwa Bridge._

_I’m standing there right now._

_Let’s be happy,_

_let’s be happy,_

_don’t be sick, don’t be sick._

_Let’s be happy, let’s be happy,_

_don’t be sick._ ”

Minhyun shrugs, because he doesn’t remember the rest.

“Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened to us if we didn’t go on Produce 101?” Jonghyun asks, after a moment.

“No,” Minhyun says, “But we’d probably just be the same as we were before, but maybe we’d just lose our contracts. We’d turn into regular people, our entire world circling around our studies, our friends, and our jobs. The idol dream might as well have been over.”

“I would’ve gone back to stocking shelves and you would’ve gone back to making coffee,” Jonghyun says. “Living on ramen, bagels, and stray muffins. Go back to just being poor and buried in mountains of debt.”

Minhyun suddenly laughs, and Jonghyun looks at him oddly. “What are you laughing at?” he asks.

“I wonder how we’d be able to manage to pay off all of our debts,” Minhyun replies. “Because it’s not like that number is just assigned to one of us. Maybe I’d have to take a second job.” He looks at Jonghyun, a silly smile on his face. “If you ever need help, Jonghyun, I’ll become a taxi driver on Yanghwa Bridge and help you out.”

“Minhyun,” Jonghyun begins. “Please don’t say that. Things won’t come down to where you’ll need to take a second job, I’m pretty sure.” But he smiles anyways, and leans onto Minhyun’s shoulder. “Thank you, though,” he says.

“I haven’t even done anything,” Minhyun replies.

“Maybe not take a second job, but you’ve done a lot, for me, and for the rest of our group,” Jonghyun murmurs.

He looks down at the Han River below them, following the flow of the water into an endless horizon with his eyes, where it blurs the outline of the reflection of the cityscape that danced on its dark blue surface.

In the his head, the lyrics to _Yanghwa Bridge_ run over and over again in the background of his thoughts. His eyes flit down to the concrete railing of the bridge, where Minhyun rests his hands, palms facing down.

He places his left hand over Minhyun’s right, and Minhyun automatically turns his hand over, allowing Jonghyun to lace their fingers together.

At that moment, when Jonghyun lifts his head and sees Minhyun looking at him, a gentle sea of tranquility in his eyes, features blanketed with a trusting and content expression, all of his worries and concerns are transformed, flying out of his thoughts like the sand and dust a gust of wind blows away to uncover a long-lost treasure.

Yes, Jonghyun thinks, Minhyun has done a lot. More than he could ever ask for or repay.

Because Jonghyun has come to realize, Minhyun is not only his friend, the one whom he trusts most next to himself, the one his affections are most deeply attached to, but Minhyun is also his Yanghwa Bridge.

The bridge that presents him the rest of the world in its palms, that pulls him out of his own inner shell and allows him to see brilliance of everything around him. It plays such a vital role in connecting him with the life surrounding them both, because the city they’ve built cannot survive without any one of its districts, nor the joints that fasten those districts to the core of the city, where it allows all of them to pulse and beat together under one heart.

The bridge that Jonghyun deeply depends on, and in return depends on Jonghyun too, because both of these entities cannot survive without the other.

The bridge that helps people flourish and grow, no matter how worn down and rusted it may be, because Jonghyun will always keep it upright, standing proudly and gracefully on its columns.

Minhyun presses their foreheads together, and Jonghyun closes his eyes, because for once his thoughts have calmed to a quiet sway, just like the gentle rocking waters of the Han River below.

* * *

**_fin_ ** **.**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i swear i'm so sorry this is laTE HAHA i'm quite sure i finished it like 3 weeks before the publishing date
> 
> S and i have been slowly eating our way through my work, but looks like finals rly bit us in the ass (and it took me 6 runs of miss A's only you to format this correct on ao3... rip)
> 
> as always, ty to her poor soul for helping me
> 
> anyways, i'm glad this is finally finished. tysm for reading, lovely reader! <33


End file.
